Ok, for the last time, I know that the subject is not music related, but let's talk about Brolly Super Saiyan transformation, or how I like to write it (with an error, I guess) Super Sayajin.
Once I cared what was official info and what wasn't, but that's no longer the case. My Super Sayajin transformation multiplies power 5 times, not 50. A few arguments behind it:
- they fight too damn many times in their base form. The movies are absurd in that matter, but they are non cannon. Beginning of a fight with Brolly 1st time? Base forms. Base Gohan vs SSj Brolly in the second movie, even though Gohan was weaker than in the first movie? Battling Android 13,14,15 in base forms for a long time? If SSj2 Vegeta was not able to land a decent hit on Kid Buu then how can he survive any punch when in base form? Super Sayajin 2 is oficially 100* stronger than base, so Vegeta should be fucked with one punch.
- even if he trains with Goku for 3 years then how the hell can Piccolo fight Android 20? He was around 1,3 mln when on Namek, and now what, 100 mln after 3 years?
- not only Piccolo, every human is fucked in this scenario, in addition to being generally fucked. Tien fighting Semi-perfect Cell is a prime example. In my list Tien is at ~3mln, Cell at ~70 mln and yet Tien can stall him for a while. And the official guides want to tell me that Tien was way below 3mln and Cell was around 700 mln? Yeah, sure.
Oh, and while we are at it- while I can agree that Super Sayajin 2 doubles the power of a Super Sayajin (*1,64 in my list) I won't agree that Super Sayajin 3 is 4 times stronger than SSj2. This the biggest bullshit in the whole official info. If it was so powerful then how come Vegeta never tried to achieve it? How was it possible that in Battle of Gods he was for a while stronger than Super Sayajin 3 Goku?
I have the answers that are more logical than any official info: Super Sayajin 3 wasn't that strong, was flawed and Vegeta just decided to master the previous transformation, so he could power up to some extreme levels, especially when emotions came in.
And don't get me started about Super Buu being like 5 times stronger than Majin Buu and Ultimate Gohan being able to transform further to Super Sayajin. Grand Kai told him to rise his power to a Super Sayajin while in Ultimate base state in the manga so now don't make up stupid bullshit like that
Yes, I love this picture and I will keep reuploading it
I've always wanted to review albums of this band, yet being so serious and important in my life I always had troubles making funny, lighthearted reviews of it. Including my cheap, sexual jokes seemed unproper for a band like Stratovarius. But years fly and I decided finally to show some support towards one of the best bands I know.
We all know Stratovarius won't let anyone down with this album, so no suspense here. But can Rhodi write a decent and maybe funny review of it? Let's find out!
Album starts with My Eternal Dream, typical Strato "Let's start with a bang" song. Impossible keyboard solos from the start open for a serious, fast paced song with lyrics so good I started laughing at classics such as Eagleheart, Hunting High and Low and others. Some people may bitch that Stratovarius and Cain's Offering are now basically the same, but is that a bad thing to have such as good writer as Jani behind it?
After the chorus most Stratovarius fans are already creaming themselves, and I doubt any power metal hater would try to make a comment how gay the genre is. Solos after that make Pathfinder guys look like silly children and Helloween hide in their pumpkins. Everything is so good that the rest of the album will have a great challenge to keep up with this track, as everything is polished to the limits. Rich drum patterns, both solos and riffs on a guitar and keys are just a big fuck you to every fan who would love to try playing the track. Vocals aren't as powerful, but they do their job with some fancy choirs in the back. Song is build perfectly, everything fits and the outro is like a split orgasm after a long, satisfying sex. Let me add that the song has a very fitting music video, weird as it was always the case with Stratovarius, yet makes more sense than all of the rest.
Vocals will Shine in the Dark in the second track, which I reviewed before. I can only add that I take vocal lessons for 2 months now, yet I'm still unable to do the high part of this song, Kotipelto you wonderful asshole :/
So, let's dive into something new in Rise Above It. The intro screams Galneryus, and it's a funny thought to think how Galneryus was admiring Strato for years and now Stratovarius would do the same towards Galneryus :) But that's probably only a coincedence. Track is similar to Stand My Ground from Nemesis, but has a very progressive turn in the middle, before crazy solos. And fuck me it sounds like Galneryus, which is never a bad thing- combine technical playing style of Galneryus and mix it with good lyrics and you have a perfect band.
Lost Without A Trace starts with somewhat Infinite/Elements touch. Kotipelto sounds so sad I wanna give him a hug and ice cream. Written by Lauri Porra, the only guy I didn't hear well so far, but thats mostly because of my shitty headphones and bad bass chearing. Clearly heard here, and I was assured I won't be disappointed by one of my favourite bass players. Solo really tries to match Milion Light Years, but sadly not close, fat fuck Tolkki had some impressive solos back in the day.
Feeding the Fire is something new, starts fast, slows down with some fancy bass lines in the background and dives through so many changes it's hard to keep up. It's a mess like Pathfinder's Chronokinesis, a song that tries a lot of different ideas but not all executed without flaws- Jack of all trades, master of none. But with the musicanship behind it it's impossible to say that the track is bad, might grow on you, especially with that powerful outro. Personally only the chorus start hurts my eyes: The fire that will rise The die is cast Open your eyes, here the dreams burn And light up the skies
I would write something like
That fire will outlast My body and my mind Free your soul from past and fly Just leave it all behind
So a bit lazily written if a dumb shit like me can do better :P
In My Line Of Work with a gentle start is a first disappointment on the album. Mediocre song with simple lyrics, while it doesn't damage the album I think it would do better without it.
Man In The Mirror fixes it in a second, with weird intro that sounds like it was coming from a different dimension. Many interesting ideas here, the only thing I dislike is the way Kotipelto sings, but that might just be jealousy. Lyrics are good, catchy and weird. Outro is a bit streched but it's so catchy and headbang-worthy then I let it pass and enjoy the ride.
Few Are Those is that cheerful catchy song with a bit cheesy elements. Again as with In My Line Of Work I have the problem with a bit too simple lyrics even though it's catchy. Repeating of the chorus like 3 times before the end doesn't help. Maybe it's the Whispered curse that now I expect amazing lyrics all the time?
Fire in Your Eyes is a ballad which again- bores me with repetition of the lyrics. What happened, Stratovarius? The beginning of the album was perfect, but the second half of the album is actually pretty lazy and unimpressive.
The Lost Saga hopefully fixes that with near 12 minute running time. Quite adventurous and epic song that tells the story with rather simple yet catchy rhymes, but sung in a way it doesn't distract. Risky experimental track overall but it works- that was the Stratovarius I was waiting since Man In The Mirror and Shine in The Dark. It isn't enough to make it the best power metal album of 2015 but helps after 2 previous tracks.
I have a very mixed feelings about this album, and it might take a while to connect the thoughts into one logical chain. This album is a mess, just like the previous one, but not in a good was (as Nemesis was). Nemesis was a bit experimental and progressive, but had so many different styles and ideas mixed it was sure to make many people happy with at least parts of it. The album was way more balanced and the songs were better placed.
Eternal is a mix between old and new Stratovarius, and made many old fans happy. But I guess I'm a fan of the new, experimental Strato. I expected a lot from this album and was disappointed, mostly because the incredibly amazing singles. After them there isn't much more on the similar level, maybe Man in the Mirror. It still isn't a bad album, but it bores me with simple lyrics and repetition, even with amazing skills they put into solos and others. Their biggest mistake was the song placement on the album, if they separated the boring songs and put them between those epics then it would be far better. But being amazed by the first good songs and bored in the second half? Cut the running time by 10 minutes and deliver a shorter, more interesting album, or readjust the placement.
Remember me laughing while listening to the first song about poor lyrics back in the day? And praising Jani for lyrics writing? Well, guess the joke's on me..
Additional:
= weak lyrics in a few tracks
= boring repetition on too many tracks
- not diverse enough for that running time
- bad song placement
+ I still love you guys
Final score: 87,5% - better luck next time
If the high score is a surprise remember that repetetive songs and simple lyrics are not something unusual for power metal, but I really had much bigger expectations. You can tell I was bored by it by giving less and less details about the songs as the albums was proceeding.
Before anyone asks- I reviewed My Eternal Dream Track, it had 132% score in my system, highest score I ever had.
I got a nice question recently, about Wacken Open Air festival, let me translate it with way more correct grammar than it was originally
- if You're such a metalhead then why weren't You on Wacken Open Air? Fucking poseur!
Well, the answer is sweet and short- I'm poor and pathetic, I can't afford it and I will go throw all my cds through the window and become a die hard funk fan.
The real reason being of course that the tickets are sold out instantly after they are available. This year I had money for 2 tickets frozen in my budget for WOA 2016, and yet one day after they were out I was unable to buy a ticket.
Why? Did 75,000 of metalheads buy them out instantly? No. There are companies that buy tickets for WOA, and sell them for double the price, triple or more. It's the most famous metal festival on this planet, so there will always be people desperate enough to pay that much. 75,000 people is a huge crowd, but compared to 6+ mln fans of Scorpions alone are just adorable
Same with most things connected to WOA, everything there is expensive to absurd levels.
I might go once to WOA, in like 10 years. But I won't buy any tshirts, any drinks and I will be eating only enough to survive. Those greedy assholes responsible for prices won't suck all my blood.
It's that special (literally) time of the year when Gunsen releases another retarded music video. Am I ready for this after being repeatedly mentally violated by the Super Pig? Let's see.
Oh, starts pretty epic when it comes to music, with an image of a forest and.. uhm.
uhm, hello? O__O
An eagle with sneakers on it's claws.. Since I already know that the visuals will make my brain shrink and bleed let's talk about music, as long as I can trust all my senses.
Starts with distant choirs and orchestrations, until it dives through some electronics to extremely fast melodic death, but I'm sure I'm wrong and it's some kind of animalistic speed horrorcore with elements of vegetarian ambient and there are many adult metalheads that will be extremely happy to inform me about it and add some details about my mother's weight if I disagree.
"Now I believe there have always been stupid people, but the Internet provides greater opportunity for stupidity to be expressed and paraded" - Filthy Frank
Lyrics are mostly motivational, teaching us to kick the ass of the fuckers trying to get us down. For the sake of censorship it's duckers instead of fuckers, as a duck lover I'm forced to be upset about it.
Compared to Piggy there are more progressive elements, the tempo is faster and guitar is much richer with a juicy main sweep. There are no unfitting solos, only a very solid one. Bass is as unheard of as on the Piggy with drums being far more intensive, like a pneumatic hammer being stuck in a working washing machine. Vocals are as great as in Piggy, maybe some words are hard to hear because of the speed, but that's quite normal.
Song is built pretty well, with intense verses, lighter choruses, break before extremely well made outro. I tip my fedora to Karol Mania for mixing, as always.
So, now I can focus on the visuals.
Gunsen put the bar pretty high with Super Pig, but here it's even better, as the animation is shot on a semi-natural background. More serious tone of the lyrics didn't make the video more serious, I think quite the opposite, but I'm not sure if I think anymore. Is that saliva running down my face?
SPOILER ALERT
I'll be brief. We see a motherducker throwing a stone at the eagle, which falls and dies, but rises as a terminator eagle, hunts the ducker, kicks it in the ass and sings.
First thing I don't like in this abomination is the video blinking very fast in a few moments, I'm not epileptic but someone can be.
After a while we see the eagle presenting us news on a news channel with videos sent by fans. There are many more than with Super Pig and the first one is mine, so I will forgive the duck abuse :P
As with Super Pig the audio-video synchronization is flawless, pure joy to watch except for mentioned epileptic slide shows.
Outro shows us some very disturbing imagery, which I don't remember now, but I bet they will come back in my nightmares to haunt me.
I wanted to write some summary but my brain left with my battery, so I will write a final score before I shut down. I can only say that it disturbs me more than a video about making a cake out of vomit and eating it (thank you Filthy Frank).
++better animation than on Super Pig
+ more progressive elements
+ rich background, synths, choirs
+ one for terminator eagle
+ great sync and mixing
++great videos from fans, very creative ones too
- animal abuse, even if it's animal abusing animal
- some very disturbing imagery
- epileptic nightmare
- next time share those drugs with me
Final score: 107%, my new favourite track from Gunsen
-------------------------------
WERSJA POLSKA BY GUNSEN NIE PŁAKAŁ ŻE NIE ROZUMI
Ah, to ten specjalny (dosłownie) czas gdy Gunsen wypuszcza kolejne upośledzone video. Czy jestem gotowy na to po wielokrotnych, mentalnych torturach Super Pigiem? Zobaczymy.
Oh, zaczyna się całkiem epicko jeżeli chodzi o muzykę, z widokiem na las i.. uhm.
w-witam? O__O
Orłem z trampkami na szponach.. Jako że spodziewam się już że video zryje mi banię i skurczy mózg to pomówmy o muzyce dopóki mogę zaufać wszystkim zmysłom.
Zaczyna się odległymi chórkami i orkiestracjami, po czym nurkuje przez elektronikę do ekstremalnie szybkiego melodic death metalu, ale jestem przekonany że jestem w błędzie i że tak naprawdę jest to zwierzęcy speed horrorcore z elementami wegetariańskiego ambientu i że znajdzie się kupa (dosłownie) dorosłych metali, którzy będą zachwyceni możliwością wytknięcia mi tego rażącego i niedopuszczalnego błędu w kategoryzacji i dodadzą parę szczegółów ekstra na temat wagi mojej matki jeżeli nie przyznam im racji.
"Jestem przekonany że głupi ludzie byli zawsze, ale Internet dostarcza więcej okazji dla wyrażania i gloryfikowania głupoty" - Filthy Frank
Tekst piosenki jest motywujący, uczy nas kopania w dupę zjebów, którzy próbują nas wgnieść w ziemię. Ze względu na cenzurę zamiast fuckers mamy duckers i jako miłośnik ptactwa a szczególnie kaczek i kawek jestem zmuszony wyrazić niezadowolenie z tego powodu.
W porównaniu ze Świnką mamy tutaj znacznie więcej progresywnych elementów, szybsze tempo i bogatsze gitary z soczystym, głównym sweepem. Nie ma niepasujących solówek a jest jedna bardzo solidna, basu nie słychać jak we śwince a perkusja jest znacznie bardziej intensywna- brzmi jak młot pneumatyczny, który utknął we włączonej pralce. Wokal jest ponownie bardzo dobry, może niektóre słowa są wydzierane trochę niewyraźnie ze względu na tempo ale to dość normalne.
Piosenka jest zbudowana bardzo solidnie, z intensywnymi zwrotkami, lżejszymi refrenami i przerwą przed szybkim, ciężkim i efektownym outro.
Chylę hipsterską fedorę przed Karolem Manią i jego mixingiem raz jeszcze.
Dobra, mogę się skupić na obrazie.
Gunsen sam sobie postawił wysoko poprzeczkę Super Pigiem, ale tutaj jest jeszcze lepszy, no i umieszcza swoje animacje na pseudonaturalnym tle, więc jest ciekawiej. Poważniejszy ton tekstu wcale nie przekłada się na poważniejsze video, myślę że wręcz przeciwnie, choć nie jestem pewien czy nadal myślę. Czy to ślina ścieka mi po twarzy?
SPOILER ALERT, OGLĄDAJ PRZED CZYTANIEM DALEJ
Będę zwięzły-widzimy zjebanego kaczora jak rzuca kamieniem w orła, ten spada i umiera, lecz wstaje jako terminatorzeł, poluje na kaczora, kopie go w dupę i zaczyna śpiewać.
Pierwsza rzecz która mi przeszkadza w tej abominacji to szybko mrygający obraz w niektórych momentach, nie mam epilepsji ale ktoś może mieć.
Po chwili widzimy jak orzeł przedstawia nam najnowsze wiadomości na kanale informacyjnym, które pokazują filmiki podesłane przez fanów. Jest ich znacznie więcej niż na Super Śwince a pierwsze jest moje, może więc zapomnę o wcześniejszym niezadowoleniu :P
Jak przy Super Pigu synchronizacja audio-video jest bez skazy, czysta przyjemność w oglądaniu poza wymienionym wcześniej epileptycznym pokazem slajdów.
Outro pokazuje bardzo niepokojące obrazy, których teraz nie pamiętam, ale jestem przekonany że wrócą w moich koszmarach dzisiaj w nocy.
Miałem napisać jakieś podsumowanie, lecz mój mózg już uciekł razem z baterią, podam więc ostateczny wynik zanim ciało przestanie działać. Mogę tylko dodać że zszokowało mnie bardziej niż video o robieniu ciasta z wymiocin i jedzenia go (dzięki ci Filthy Frank).
++lepsza animacja niż na Super Pigu
+ więcej progresywnych elementów
+ bogatsze tło, orkiestracje i chórki
+ plusik za terminatorła
+ świetna synchronizacja i mixing
++świetne filmy od fanów, sporo kreatywnych
- znęcanie się nad zwierzętami, nawet jeżeli to zwierzę nad zwierzęciem
- bardzo niepokojące obrazy momentami
- koszmar dla epileptyków
- następnym razem się podziel tymi narkotykami co brałeś
Ostateczny wynik: 107%, i mój nowy ulubiony kawałek od Gunsena
didn't expect to see me again, did You? They rose from the night, shouldn't ever been born
Well, I'm glad as hell that this band was born, and returned with another album, sadly without a keyboard player and 2 different guys on bass and drums. But hey, Pyrypekka is still there.
It's a name, really.
It took them 4 years to return with a new material, with smaller band and shorter running time? I bet this album's gonna suck, let's see..
Jikininki? Probably another instrumental intro track to stretch the running ti-*BAM BAM PARAM BAM BAM*
huh? wha-*crazy guitar sound* *BAM BAM PARAM BAM BAM*
oh, so, as I was saying th-*pure music madness*
Heh, nice try, but I still have my an-*bass solo*
Well, there goes my anal virginity ;_;
Yeah, samurai are back with way more extreme approach to metal than before, vocals are also way better, less saliva driven and more pure fucking devil shinigami. Jikininki as a song name may sound silly, but everyone who met me in a line to KFC knows there's nothing funny about it.
Second track, Hold the Sword has a way lighter intro and, as a whole album, has way more japanese folk elements than the debut album.
As with 1000 swords it's mostly about some legendary warrior, but the chorus is basically the best and most catchy chorus the band made to this point (except for Sakura Omen), too bad it's only repeated once.
Fallen Amaterasu is NOT about a guy that fell on a mattress and can't get up, instead it's about some goddess of sun. Didn't know Svarog had a sex change once, but who am I to question Gods? Actually the only track on this record I dislike, guitar during "fallen" in the chorus annoys me, even after many listens the track seems a bit inconsistent to me. But I'm just a pawn trying to question the way of the samurai, if they follow Bushido then I can skip that one song and go to
the man once strong, feared and bold, now just tired, weak and old
One Man's Burden, which starts with a growl not even close to the marvelous Tombstone Crusher scream, but
As many Whispered tracks, the song has a very solid lyrics, and my personal favourite from this album, about a murderer struggling with his burden. When I read the lyrics I thought it will be a slower tempo song with a heavy mood- they turned it into a headbanging choir mid-tempo song but surprisingly it works pretty damn well, especially the fast killer riff during the verses. Also some solid bass is heard, way more than on the first album- me gusta.
for every victim of his blade, for every selfish act of hate
Kappa.
I first saw that monster while being a kid and reading some Donald Duck comic. I'm older now but still scared of Kappa after listening to this track. The worst is the festive approach and extremely harsh vocals. This song is a damn mood swing and I love it, especially the blues elements after the scary chorus. This band clearly has too much fun making music.
Savaging the last of the women,
crunching remains of the men
Ripping remaining pieces of their flesh
leaving living ones choking in their own blood
Sounds almost like my song about Easter Bunny, coming April 2016 if the heavens bless me.
Lady of the Wind, ah yes, they left the best for the last. From the climatic intro, straight to whispers and vocals wrapped in a velvet-like instrumentals, female choirs and diving into a beautiful riff guiding the chorus through the vile powers of the Lady of the Wind. And when you think they can't get it any better we dive into various guitar solos with a juicy bass and guy fullfilling revenge on his drum kit. I won't spoil the ending, experience it yourself.
Phew, they can't get any better than-*crazy guitar solo* oh come on, not aga-*Whispered screams at me ;_;*please be gentle senpai.. Unrestrained (like my sex drive) is a crazy 3 minute long song that is a slap in the face of Kalmah when it comes to crazy fast, overpacked with solos catchy melodic death metal songs. So basically my favourite track on the record by default, nothing more to add, except for more lube to my ass.
Upon My Honor is yet another outro track, way shorter than Blade in the Snow, with a slightly stretched intro evolving into a catchy riff and remains of the drumset being desecrated. Lots and lots of japanese folk stuff here. After giving it some thought there's a lot of everything here. Sorry, I think earlier music rape fucked me silly, I even started hearing the same old voice in my head I heard the last time I reviewed Whispered outro track. I go rest now.
Damn I walk funny now.
Well it's obvious Whispered evolved after 1000 Swords, the direction they took got a lot of positive appeal. Everything is more polished, mature and complex, at no point you can say that tracks sound similar. While myself I prefer 1000 Swords because of slightly lighter approach, keyboards and less diverse tracks I must say that Shogunate Macabre is superior to the great debut, which of course got them a place in my top 13 bands. Way to go guys, you have a fan in me.
