A typical personal intro story that doesn't mean shit for the review, so if You like being bored then read this shit, if not then skip for the main juice. Or just fuck this review, listen to the awesome music instead and do something better with Your life.
A decade ago I was a dedicated Finntroll fan, the first folk metal band I heard. After Ur Jordens Up I didn't really like the darker tone of the album and longed for less serious, more energetic folk metal.
Then the Trollfest came up, with drunk as fuck albums that didn't take anything seriously, with low quality production that fits extreme folk bands as much as it fits classic black metal stuff. And I loved it, they were instantly in my top 5 bands and I was their fan for 10 years before during Masters of Rock 2017 I parted ways with them. The last 2 Trollfest albums were definitely not for me, not goofy enough, not extreme enough, not badly produced enough.
But just as Trollfest came to me as a messiah when Fintroll wasn't good enough for me this time Nordheim came up with their second album Refill, literally refilling my life with joy and raw, extreme pagan/folk music about drinking beer and fucking whores. The best part? These guys ain't even from Norway or Finland, these are Canadians. Canadians playing a better extreme folk metal than many other groups, the apocalypse is near!
This is their newest shit, RapThor, with an amazing cover art showing goblins and hoes drinking with guns while riding a dinosaur. We're in for a ride with this one.
Troll Riding a Raptor is straight to the point with the song title and the intro. Roll the dice and relax with the extreme tempo, brain bashing drums and classic "1997 Finntroll" guitars. I'm worried about other songs, because everything Nordheim is known for is already here, no healthy dosage just a supersize meal composed of alcohol, whores, goblins, guns and dinosaurs. What's left?
Shivering fear until the break od dawn
Cause the warrior's heart is as black as a moonless night
Ending on a such poetic note <3
Boobs and Bacon , YES! This is what I wanted to see after getting a taste from the album opener. Tempo doesn't slow down but the guitars leave some room for headbanging and the choir bridge gives some sing-along potential for future shows. Second song and I haven't heard even a bit of bass guitar, that means the wall of sound is so overwhelming or the production so raw that I'm going deaf, exactly what I wanted to hear from this band.
No need to be afraid
Fueled by bacon we can't die
Scroll of the Lightning Bolt sounds way more serious not only in the title but..
To kill a beast with claws bigger than a monster cock
ok, maybe not way more serious, but it's a slightly longer piece with more orchestrations, slower parts to catch a breath and an epic story about a group of adventurers facing a dragonlord, with their hopes put in a scroll of the lightning bolt. There's even a guitar solo in there somewhere and some choirs, so we're very close to power metal here, minus all the gay of course, this is music for manly men, rolling dices and talking about their elf warriors..Wait.
Black Witch Rises is next, starting slower but soon coming back into standard tempo, and here we abandon all the power metal stuff to focus on something more fitting the extreme tempo and growls- a horror story of the witch plans, cutting off limbs, spreading suffering and diseases to the world. A serious piece to show the world that Nordheim might be fun, but they are still capable of writing some darker and more serious stuff.
Thrills and chills to the sound of pain, none shall witness joy UNDER MY REIGN
I Wish You Were Beer on the other hand.. The title says it all. Nothing I can add to a hymn of folk metal. Reminded me of a conversation I had long ago.
- ... but she doesn't like folk metal much.
- does she drink alcohol?
- no.
- then I'm not surprised.
Fighting naked while we pee, throwing bitches in the sea
Cheering, laighing endlessly, that's a life for me
Strenght Became The Storm (love the error in a song title, these are rare) is similar to the Scroll of Lightning Bolt but sadly doesn't show anything new to the mix, it's mostly "more of the same", the lyrics also are a bit generic with a champion of light fighting a demon, I only like the ending part:
In the name of those who will fall
We drink to remember them all
Raise your horn and your sword
Among the stars they will hear our call
Blood's Shade is more interesting starting with a guitar solo, reminding me of the great Soulblood. The song definitely has a similar horror feel to the Black Witch Rises, but it's more powerful and has more tempo changes and guitar solos with a calm outro. Definitely the most melodic death-ish song on the album, serious in tone but interesting. Would be a great album outro, but we still have one more left.
Blood's shade now wakes up the past I long forgot
Blood's shade now devours and leaves the rest to rot
Dragonthorn is the longest on the album, but the major tempo and mood change in the middle doesn't make it feel as long. Serious again with one funny and stressed line:
it tells a story of a dragon and a hero fighting and so on. While the song isn't bad I was hoping for a story including the dinosaur riding goblins with guys, especially when the tone of the song changed. A missed opportunity.
A magical steel made by frozen flames
FROZEN FLAMES
And that's Nordheim's RapThor, Thor not included (sadly). It's a good album to listen to while drunk, but I expected way more goofyness from it. There is some of course, but it's more like "hey, boobs and bacon! Do we have Your attention? Ok, now listen to a story about dragons". Nordheim can do serious songs well but I love them the most in the less serious songs.
I want more of this ^. I want Josephine next to Thor riding a dinosaur fighting a dragon with a blade made by frozen flames. FROZEN FLAMES. Is it a sin to want more?
But I'll give them that- the lyrics are good, the music is flawless old school pagan/folk extreme metal with great high pitched and low growls, cool guitar solos and no signs of bass guitar. Basically I have to love it by default. Also some melodic death metal added to the mix, always cool.
There is one thing that makes it ten thousand times better than the last Wintersun album- energy. This album makes you so pumped that You want to punch the wall or tear your neck while headbanging. And if you don't like extreme folk metal then this "noise" makes you angry, so also full of energy - point proven. In that regard these guys are Kalmah of the folk metal world.
Check this out if You like boobs, dinosaurs and dungeons and dragons and power metal just doesn't do it for You anymore.
Summary:
Vocals: 10/10
Guitars: 9/10
Bass: Josephine/10
Drums: 8/10
Keyboards: wait, there are keyboards in it?
Additional:
+ Wonderful cover art
+ Very cool lyrics
+ Boobs
+ Bacon
+ Dinosaurs
- Not enough boobs
- Not enough bacon (NEVER enough)
- Not enough dinosaurs
- Josephine ;__; Where is she?
Total score that totally matters: 93%
Please add more stupid shit next time, it's the most fun
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